Christmas

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Its 12:12 AM. Christmas day 2015 has officially come and gone.

Let me give you a recap of my day, I woke up at 7 AM to cook breakfast more like, help my dad cook this filipino delicacy called champorado its sticky rice mixed with cocoa powder and sugar, accompanied with Tuyo, another filipino delicacy which frankly, is one of those fish I would NEVER eat again because it stinks like crap! Anyway, the champorado turned out to be someone dry soo no one ate it because dad was the only one who liked it. Thus arose another argument between my mom and dad about alzheimers and the past. *sigh* We’ve learned to tune in out. Anyway, then I made dessert. Its called “Cathedral” its basically just gelatin all over. But the base gelatin on which the gelatin squares would set is flavored and infused with lychee syrup and nestle cream. Then I went to sleep!! *best part of the day* I woke up 2 hours after,but I hadnt heard my uncle had arrived and his 2 sons were there too! My mom and uncle (brothers and sisters) talked about my dad’s incompetencies *haay* and then they left. I was soo ready to take my siesta, but then mom asked me to come with her to go shopping… It took us 3 hours before we went home. We bought gifts, we argued about what we should buy, just typical mother daughter relationship I guess? Anyway, then we arrived home, I fed my 2 dogs then fixed the dining room, my brotther cleaned the dishes. Then we went to bed. 

Overall, my day went pretty boring despite it being the holidays. Dissappointed, I surely am. Because I wanted to go out of the country but despite everything, I focus on the part that we were still blessed enough to able to buy food and gifts. The material things should come second, and the thankfulness we always have to feel to our savior should come first. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SAVIOR, Jesus Christ! Thank you for the blessing and love and the lessons! 
Looking forward to Christmas 2016? Yes or no?

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What do you want to make of your life? 

I want my life to be better. Why? My parents constantly argue about every thing that went wrong in the last 24 years. All the mistakes, poor choices and opportunities let go because of life.

LIFE. What do you do when it gives you a crap hand? I dont know. I was not dealt with a major suckish hand, but I was dealt with a lot of frustration stemming from my environment. I can’t decide when I know somehow, my parents will go and criticize them. Like my college course, I’m on my last semester and in that 4 years, their dissappointment with my choices never waver. 

Like my drinking pattern, my mom says its not what a lady does. Yeah, cause Im not a teen just wanting to let off steam from my class. 🙄 and though I dis not voice this out, Im pretty sure all they’d do is ridicule my course saying its not important and its not as hard as those science courses. 

My life may not be as super hard as the others, but I have my own problems that most of the time no ine can see or know. Im that kind of person whi keeps her problems to herself so I won’t be surprised if one day I just cry in front of everyone. Crying is a coping mechanism for me.

Who will I be, at age 20?

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At the ripe age of 20, it is natural to want to get away from responsibilities. It is also natural to avoid all questions regarding the future. Why? Because contrary to popular belief, they’re still trying to find themselves in this world. There may be a handful of fortunate 20 year old individuals out there who have figured everything out (kudos to you!), but there are still others who want a chance to make mistakes without being judged for it. There are some who have yet to discover their potentials and their weaknesses, so they can do something they love. They want a chance to prove themselves to their parents that they are trust worthy, and that they can handle things on their own, but at their own pace. They want to experience love in different ways. They want to feel the feeling of being lost and eventually, being found. They want to learn new things without the shadow of the past lurking behind them. They want to make mistakes that will make them better people in the long run. They want the universe at their feet; and them stating with conviction, I came, I saw, I conquered!. They want new friends from different places. They want memories worth looking back to and memories that will serve as stories for the next generation, which will hopefully encourage them to take a leap of faith and explore the unknown.